What to Do When I Don't Know What to Do, But I Know I Want to Do Something

One of my biggest concerns is feeling the rut of habit. This occurrence started when I became an “adult” and started my first job. Teaching became my life, and there was not a lot else in between. After about two years into teaching, I realized that my identity was solely wrapped up in my career, and my other interests and hobbies were going by the wayside. This understanding not only frustrated but scared me. My frustration is in our society, and how it revolves around careers and making them the top priority, especially in America. So many of the people in my world define themselves by their jobs. Time off is spent drinking and eating. Don’t get me wrong, I like partaking in these activities too, however, I am often left feeling empty inside. The fear kicked in when I thought about what I was going to do to change my situation. When I was a little kid, it was so unbelievably easy! My imagination made me flourish in creativity. As a high schooler, I involved myself in seasonal sports. In university, I was immersed in creative writing classes, critical discussions, and philanthropic opportunities. Now what?

First, I went back to my basics; reading, writing, and fitness. I made sure to give myself time to read for my own enjoyment. This is hard to do as an English teacher! I also began to write poetry again. My husband and I joined a climbing gym and I started yoga. Am I super flexible? Absolutely not! Am I a hardcore climber? No! Did a make some fantastic friends and challenge my body’s limits? Yes.

My next move was much more of a struggle, but I am so thankful for it. I wanted to do something that was going to give me a creative outlet... a challenge... something exciting and new. The best way for me to avoid the rut of habit is to pursue and try new things as often as I can. I started with painting. I would first like to say that I am by no means super artistic. But I can say that I paint and more importantly I really like to paint. I have my husband to thank for that. He is what I like to call a classic Renaissance man, dabbling in all sorts of creativities, one of them being painting. On one of his trips to the art store, I decided to come along and buy myself a small canvas. That was that. From that day I started painting more and more, and now it is one of my favorite ways to de-stress. My paintings are random, chaotic, and probably look like they were done by a middle schooler, but they are mine, and I love them.

Along with painting, I took up sewing. This was particularly challenging for me, but again, it kept me on my toes. For those who know me, I absolutely love my dresses and skirts, and that's just about all I have made. The patchwork screams homemade-newbie, but they are mine. I have also made it a point to simply try new experiences, even if only temporary, and somewhat terrifying. About a month ago, I performed at a stand-up comedy open mic. I don’t think I have ever been more afraid in my life. My husband started stand up comedy about seven months ago and has a true talent for it. As a supportive spouse, I went to shows every single week. As time went on, I began to admire the craft and individual spin each comic brought to the table. It was fascinating to watch, and it made me want to try it out. In all honesty, the most fun part for me was writing my script. It was such a challenge to take funny concepts and turn them into punchlines. The actual performance was a huge high and especially fun because it was my writing, my story, me. Will I do it again? We’ll see. Since being in Bali, I started surfing. Again, you can see a theme here, I am no pro! I have a huge beginner's board and am happy to get up on whitewater.

The point in all of this is I am trying. I cannot overstate how important it was to make this change in my life. My identity is not solely wrapped up in my job. I think it’s odd to refer to myself as a painter, or a sewer, or a writer, or a comic, but I am a pursuer. Maybe one of these new passions will become something more significant, maybe not. The point is that I don’t have that empty feeling anymore. My message is simple- do new things and keep doing them, and in turn, you will hopefully make some awesome new self-discoveries.

#lifestyle #hobbies